Day Seven

Dear Diary,

Today was day seven. The last day of the first week. How did it go? Pretty Good, I would say. I don’t really have much to say about food, as I went grocery shopping and stayed under my calories. What I will do though is give my reason four!

Travel…

I want to travel one day. I am actually terrified to fly, but there are two reasons for that. The 1^st reason is that I’m pretty afraid of airplanes. I think there are a lot of people that are afraid of airplanes, but I do feel like I have just built it up in my head. If I could just get on the airplane and get up in the air, I would be fine. Or die, but hopefully, that doesn’t happen.

Anyway, the 2^nd reason is that I’m fat. I know that sounds like a really stupid reason to be afraid to fly, but I am really scared. I am scared that I would get on that plane, and then not fit in the seat. I’m afraid of them telling me that I would either have to get off the plane or pay for 2 seats. There is nothing that would be more humiliating to me than that.

I was once at Six Flags when I was a teenager (and I had just lost weight and was actually skinny, the only time in my life) and I watched as a family got on the parachute ride. The parents were both bigger, but the mom was really big. They tried a few times to get the basket off of the ground, but it wouldn’t go up, so they had to ask the mom to please get off. She did, but then I saw her crying after she put on a brave face for her kids, and they lifted up into the air without her.

I don’t ever want to have someone make me feel that way about myself. Even though the kid that was running the stand looked sad to have to tell her, it still really hurt her feelings. I would never want to make anyone feel that way, and I sure as hell never want to feel that way myself.

So I would love to be able to get on a plane, and not have to worry about being humiliated about my size. Who knows, maybe one I get some of this weight off, I will reward myself with a trip to New York City, one place I have always wanted to go.

Well, that’s all for today, stay tuned because tomorrow is my 1^st official weigh in!!!!!