Day Seven

Dear Diary,

Today was day seven. The last day of the first week. How did it go? Pretty Good, I would say. I don’t really have much to say about food, as I went grocery shopping and stayed under my calories. What I will do though is give my reason four!

Travel…

I want to travel one day. I am actually terrified to fly, but there are two reasons for that. The 1^st reason is that I’m pretty afraid of airplanes. I think there are a lot of people that are afraid of airplanes, but I do feel like I have just built it up in my head. If I could just get on the airplane and get up in the air, I would be fine. Or die, but hopefully, that doesn’t happen.

Anyway, the 2^nd reason is that I’m fat. I know that sounds like a really stupid reason to be afraid to fly, but I am really scared. I am scared that I would get on that plane, and then not fit in the seat. I’m afraid of them telling me that I would either have to get off the plane or pay for 2 seats. There is nothing that would be more humiliating to me than that.

I was once at Six Flags when I was a teenager (and I had just lost weight and was actually skinny, the only time in my life) and I watched as a family got on the parachute ride. The parents were both bigger, but the mom was really big. They tried a few times to get the basket off of the ground, but it wouldn’t go up, so they had to ask the mom to please get off. She did, but then I saw her crying after she put on a brave face for her kids, and they lifted up into the air without her.

I don’t ever want to have someone make me feel that way about myself. Even though the kid that was running the stand looked sad to have to tell her, it still really hurt her feelings. I would never want to make anyone feel that way, and I sure as hell never want to feel that way myself.

So I would love to be able to get on a plane, and not have to worry about being humiliated about my size. Who knows, maybe one I get some of this weight off, I will reward myself with a trip to New York City, one place I have always wanted to go.

Well, that’s all for today, stay tuned because tomorrow is my 1^st official weigh in!!!!!

Day Six

Dear Diary,

Okay so 1st day of the weekend. I will start by saying that I have a raging headache right now, so this may be a short entry.

I woke up pretty early, all on my own, which was nice. I enjoyed a quiet house for a couple of hours, as my brother was still asleep. Once he woke up, we went and picked up your mom and ran around.

We went and got haircuts and went to the movies. Non diet related, we went to see The Wedding Ringer, and I have to say, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Which may be why I have such a raging now.

Anyway back on topic, during this running around, we spoke at a new place to eat that my hair dresser suggested. It was called, Sweet Tomatoes, and it is basically a huge salad bar.

It was fantastic, but of course any time you get to make your salad with your own toppings, it's going be fantastic.

After that I came home and was watching Netflix when this horrible headache started, and so as always, bad headaches make my stomach queasy and I only got about 1100 calories today.

So now I'm going to bed and hoping tomorrow is better, even though I have to go and do the thing I hate the most, Grocery Shopping...

Day Five

Dear Diary,

Well, Day 5 is done and gone. It wasn't the best day I've had this week, but it also wasn't the worst. The stress at work was unbelievable. Anyone who has taken a week vacation knows how awful the last day before you leave can be, trying to make sure all of your work is caught up. I don't wish that on my worst enemy. I didn't go and grab a soda like I usually do when I'm stressed. I also didn't try and grab any kind of food to make it better. One small step to becoming a thin person with normal eating habits.

As far as the food that I did eat goes, it wasn't all too bad. I had my frozen breakfast, and my frozen lunch, nothing to really write home about. But, as day 5 happened to fall on a Friday, and on a payday Friday at that, I did have a different kind of test put on me.

Yes, I went out to eat at a restaurant for dinner. We went to Applebee’s, which I haven't been to in at least eight years, and as I am sitting there and watching the rest of my family order ribs, and chicken tenders, and oh so many French fries all around, I pick chicken. Grilled chicken to be exact. It was a lime fiesta chicken with some brown rice, and it was AWESOME! (Please also note that the only person in my family that knows I am on this “diet” is my brother, and that’s only because we are roommates)

So the day ended with my totals a little higher than normal, right at about 1350 calories. But I take that as a win, and there isn't anything you can do about that. Also my trip to the restaurant brought about another issue that I have as a bigger person, and it is going to be my reason 3.

Restaurant Booths…

Nothing is more embarrassing than to not fit in a restaurant booth, and have to have your size 5 aunt pull the table closer to her so that you can fit your fat ass into it. Who the hell thought of the idea to make a booth at a restaurant so damn small in a country that has so so many fat people? I will never know. So a great reason to lose 100 pounds is to easily fit into any damn booth you want.

1 more tiny note before I end this here. My brother has decided that after watching me totally kick ass this week, he is going to join me in my frozen diet next week. Now I get to see how he reacts to the same restrictions that I have had to endure. **insert evil laugh here**

Day Four

Dear Diary,

So today I woke up a new woman! The sleepy no caffeine haze was gone, there was no headache, and I wasn't nearly as hungry as I have been. I ate my 1300 calories and was totally fine.

The one thing that worries me is the weekend. When you have a set schedule it's easy to stay on track. When you are home it is a completely different story. I will just have to have the willpower won't I.

This morning I did what I knew I wasn't supposed to, but that I knew I was going to do anyway. I weighed myself. I just couldn't resist, but I was down 2 pounds!

Hmmm, maybe that's why I had such a good day? Maybe my happiness was tied to the weight loss. Interesting theory.

Anyways, the only other "news" I wanted to share was the awesome panini I had at lunch, it was a Lean Cuisine. So yummy!

source

Okay, so this is going to be a short entry today, no reasons or anything, I just wanted to give a quick update on my day.

Last thing, I've decided that some I'm off all next week, I'm going to make myself write everyday, get a feel of what it's like to be a full time writer, just for fun.

Here's to a great day 5!

Day Three

Dear Diary,

So what can I say about day three? Well I can say that it was better! While I was still pretty hungry, it was better than yesterday. I didn't spend the whole day ready to stuff the first thing I saw down my throat, only like half of the day.

I came in at 1296 calories today, so it's not that I didn't eat enough, because I did. Also I finally had a yummy breakfast. It was a Smart Ones breakfast burrito frozen meal. It was actually pretty good, better than the oatmeal at least, but as you know I hate oatmeal.

source

I am trying to make myself wait until the 1 week mark to weigh myself, but I have a feeling I might pull the scales out tomorrow. But, on the bright side, if it's gone down, I'll be super happy!

Now it's time for reason 2 for 100 reasons to lose 100 pounds.

Dresses...

I love dresses, and I really want to get to a size that I can go into any store and find a cute little dress that looks great on me. Not have to search for the plus size section and have a tiny selection of dresses that are always "too clingy".

In the clothes department, being big really sucks, and I'm really just sick of it!

Yesterday I talked about looking at my goals 1 day at a time. Today was a good day. My goal now is to have a great tomorrow. But, as far as weight, my goal right now is to lose 5 pounds. That's all! Totally doable right?

I also wanted to mention that I am starting to feel like I'm coming out of my no caffeine fog. I didn't feel quite so tired today than I did yesterday. So far so good, things are looking up!

Day Two'

Dear Diary,

So, as expected Day Two mostly sucked. I was HUNGRY! All day. Though, I supposed I have to call it a win since I still haven't gotten a caffeine headache.

Food wise, everything tasted good, there just was not nearly enough of it. Come on stomach and shrink already!

I have to be careful this time though, I don't want to look too far ahead. Every time I do I start to think about how much weight I want to lose all together and how long and hard that is going to be, and I freak.

Every flipping time I freak. So instead of doing that, I am focusing on today. Today's goal is to get through. I didn't do too horribly bad. Even though I was so hungry I wanted to stuff chocolate down my throat, I didn't give in.

I finished the day right at 1300 calories. WIN! even though I'm not looking ahead, I'm dreading next week a little. I am on vacation from work. While that will help a lot with the soda intake, as I don't have free sodas lying around the house, I'm not going anywhere, and I tend to eat when I'm bored.

Hell, I eat when I have every emotion, whether happy, sad, bored, angry, tired. It doesn't matter food will always make it better. But does it really? I don't think so.

So, as for the promised reason one, I'm going to start out completely shallow.

Reason 1 of 100 reasons to lose 100 pounds, is a sore neck.

I know, you don't quite understand yet, but I'll break it down for you. For once in my life I was to turn a man's head so fast he gets a sore neck and a pissed off spouse. I want a man to look at me and think, 'Damn!'... Is that too much to ask for?

I know, I told you it was shallow! There are 100 reasons, I'll have plenty of time to be all deep and introspective.

Day 2 sucked, but I still made it my bitch! See you after day 3!

Day One

Dear Diary,

Today is day 1. They say the first day is the hardest. I dont know about that, but it wasn't exactly easy.

Not only is this day 1 for only 1300 calories or less, this is also day 1 of no more sodas!

I'm not sure which one will be harder. Why you ask? Well for a couple of reasons. For me, sodas are the equivalent of a cigarette to a 20 year smoker. One drag, or rather sip, throws me right back into the spiral of downing Dr Pepper like my life depends on it.

The problem with that is, the longer I continue to drink them, the more my life does depend on them. Well, maybe not my life but certainly my sanity.

The second reason is my job. As a "perk" they give us free sodas of all kinds! While its a nice added bonus for some, for me its like throwing a recovering crack head into a pile of free cocaine!

So as I lay here in bed happy, and very tired after my first full day without my DP fix, I'm just happy that the headaches haven't started yet. I already know that tomorrow will be a different story, and I am not looking forward to that. I'll keep you posted.

So let's get to the food part. I LOVE food. This is the main reason I'm fat. The other reason is that I don't want anyone to look at me, and as any fatty, or former fatty, can attest to, the space you take up the more invisible you are. But, we can save that for another day!

Even though tons of people are going to tell me how bad this is, I was inspired by Jenny Craig on this journey. I can't afford an extra car payment to actually be on Jenny Craig, but its frozen prepackaged meals. I can do that myself.

Yes I know, they are processed, and full of salt! I don't like to think too much. I hate to weigh, and constantly by foods and have to cook all the time. So, for the time being we are going to try this out.

I started with Oatmeal for breakfast, and it was horrible. Given, I dont care much for oatmeal, but I keep hearing how great it is for you, and how it keeps you full for hours. OK, but it tastes like cardboard, and I dont really enjoy that flavor too much.

So zoom ahead to the end of the day, and the note that I did also have fresh apples and orange s today too (step back haters). 1276 calories. I am starving!

This is not my first rodeo. I know it'll get better, and my stomach just has to get used to less food, but it still sucks.

Day 1 is complete, and I am proud of myself for today, even though I dread tomorrow, because for me 2nd day is always the worst.

Tomorrow, I will have reason 1 for 100 reasons to lose 100 pounds. Inspired by a very fit former fatty friend of mine!